Monday, April 25, 2011

Social Hour

Fannie Floof reporting, still red-faced at last night's equipment malfunction.

After the Realm's Security Council meeting a social hour was held in the Princess Treasure's private drawing room.  Princess Treasure warmly greeted each visitor with a nose tap and a head bonk for Princess Coco and was later escorted to the throne by Simba and Mario. 

Princess Coco served tea while The Admiral and Sir Spitfire were honored with the duty of passing the catnip tarts and hummingbird's tongues respectively; it was noticed that not a few tongues disappeared beneath the Spitfire's cape.

Entertainment was provided by Sonny, lead singer for The Serenaders; it appears 'Nip for Two' may well become the new national anthem.

The PM kept Miss Catt distracted while Simba helped escort Princess Treasure to the throne. 

After refreshments were finished, the figure 8 minuet was enjoyed by all; the dance is based on the movements used by cats to get a human's attention by twisting around said human's legs.  Princess Coco displayed an especially fine tail tip during the dance. 

General Boopsie Bear and Quartermaster Scruffy demonstrated a sailor's jig with the Admiral.  The Prime Minister recited the Stray Cat's Prayer, bring tears to many an eye.


Ooooops!  Fannie Floof here to apologize for the delay in reporting the reception held after the security council meeting; her computer ran out of juice.  More later....

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Security Council, Spring 2011

Dear Princesses Treasure and Coco, PM Neora, General Boopsie Bear, and Sir Spitfire,

Welcome to this quarterly meeting of the Security Council, especially to our new members.

Our main item of business today is to review the threat of Doggie Dinners to go that has sprung up in Sir Spitfire's territory.

Sir Spitfire will submit a summary of his report in the comments to be attached to these minutes of the meeting.  In general, some nefarious dogs have managed to further enroll humans in their plot to rebel.  What more specifically they plan to do I will leave to him.

Our question today is what we should do at this point.

(A general discussion is held.)

A motion has been made by Princess Coco the Adorable to enlist the Buddy Bunny network to supplement Sir Spitfire's work by having them gather intelligence in other urban areas so attractive to  dogs.  It is seconded by General Boopsie Bear.  The measure passes unanimously.

Let us adjourn to the social hour, next regularly scheduled meeting to be held in July.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Sunshine today

Which helps the PM feel alot better; her fundraising activities make her leave the house almost every day, so sunshine is always something worth smiling about.

And, she saw tulips blossoming and the forsythia blooming and buds on lots of trees, so she thinks--hopes--that maybe we will have spring and not have to hallucinate one.

She was the first one to finish the test and got a 93%; the top score was a 95%, but she did the test in half the ha-ha!  She got an extra break yesterday.

All of which means I got a lots more pets last night and this morning.  Yay!

The Security Council will be meeting Sunday.  Both Coco and Spitty will teleport in for the meeting.  It will be good to see them again.  Coco has been reviewing the information provided to us by the Security Council and caught quickly onto the diplomatic and intelligence conundrums.  Anyone else want to come for the declassified catnip snack and klatch afterwards?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Too Blah to Post

We are all down in the dumps here for several reasons. 

1.  It keeps staying cold and raining and sleeting.
2.  There is road construction going on outside the courtyard and I can feel the vibrations from heavy machinery pounding.
3.  As part of her fundraising, the PM had to take a competency exam at, not to prove her brain worked, but to show she knew how to do her job.

So we are not happy campers, but things will be better soon.

We did get a message from Princess Coco the Adorable and we hope to feel up to sharing it soon.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

From Kim on Facebook

Stray Cat

Dear God, please send me somebody who'll care.
I'm so tired of running and sick with despair.
My body is aching and filled with such pain;
...And dear God I pray, as I run in the rain
That someone will love me and give me a home,
A warm cozy bed, and food of my own.
My last owner left me alone in the yard...
I watched as they moved, and God that was hard.
So I waited a while, then went on my way
To rummage in garbage and live as a stray.
But now, God, I'm so tired and hungry and cold;
And I'm so afraid that I'll never grow old.
They've chased me with sticks and hit me with straps
While I run the streets just looking for scraps.
I'm not really bad, God, please help if you can,
For I have become just a "Victim of Man."
I'm wormy, dear God, and I'm ridden with fleas;
And all that I want is an Owner to please.
If you find one for me, God, I'll try to be good.
I won't scratch the carpet; I'll do as I should.
I'll love them, play with them, and try to obey.
I will be so grateful if they'll let me stay.
I don't think I'll make it too long on my own,
'Cause I'm getting weak and I'm so all alone.
Each night as I sleep in the bushes I cry,
'Cause I'm so afraid, God, that I'm gonna die.
I've got so much love and devotion to give
That I should be given a new chance to Live.
So dear God, please hear me, please answer my prayer,
And send me somebody who will REALLY care.

Author Unknown

Archive 6.5: A Royal Proclamation

Hear Ye!  Hear Ye!
Let it be known to all that
HRH Princess Treasure of Capitol Drive
offers her deepest condolences to
Citizen Regina
upon the loss of her kittens, most especially,
Tiger fought a most valiant fight to survive,
such fight to be recorded in the
Royal History.
Let Tiger’s life be
an example to us all.

Archive 16: Sad

HRH got out last night when I came home and has not been back yet as of 8am when I left for work.

Archive 15: A PM’s disgusting discovery

It was a Sunday, late morning.  Our long-suffering PM has decided to try to do some picking up around the main living area.  She works at a steady pace for several hours.  She begins working near the dining room table; now, understand, the PM has the bad habit of dropping things on the end of the table or on the floor near it.  She also tends to kick her shoes off there, drop her coat here, etc.  It is the major drop point on the way in and out of the home. 
As she works picking up some papers fallen on the floor, she falls back with a gasp.  What has she uncovered?  Apparently the Princess had an unwelcome, much enjoyed playmate over recently.  Yes, a little mouse, Cedric, must be added to the roll of the gullible.  Fortunately, Paws’ Daddy was willing and able to provide Cedric with an appropriate funeral in the dumpster. 
Due to intricacies in Felinese,t he Princess in confused by the PM’s reaction.  You see, the work ‘disgusting’ translates to ‘delightful’ in Felinese.  The Princess would love to have many little gullible playmates……after all, a PM lives to serve, right?

Archive 7.5: Needed updates to the council

Dear Compatriots:
It has been a long time since we have met; the forces around us have caused meetings to be too risky. It is good to see all of you again.
Another dog has been added to the household downstairs. It is a ‘sweet puppy’ now, but its people plan to breed it, which can only cause turmoil for our loyal citizenry. As it is, the most loyal and faithful of our denizens (known as the yard cats) have lengthened the time between reports.
Not another word or report of Regina has come in; it seems she must be added to the roll of those who have given all for the sake of the princess.
I am sorry to report that recent health conditions, and treatment of same, have required me to be absent more than is best for the kingdom. Hopefully, with the treatments, I will be able to resume my duties soon. Please accept my heartfelt appreciation of all your efforts to fill my absense. The kingdom could not be in better hands.
In attempting to think of gifts to amuse HRH, a birdfeeder has frequently been suggested, but the danger of opening ourselves up to attack has been enough to outweigh the entertainment value. General Boopsie Bear has reported on the efficacy of the ‘Yankee Spinner’ and it may be that this would meet both demands for entertainment and security. Much thanks to the General for his report and for the gracious Queen Miss Katt for allowing this report.
Scout Ringo has recently returned from his travels in time to settle in with the rest of the kingdom for the winter months and has promised not only reconnaisance reports, but a fine new collection of adventure stories with which to entertain the members of the royal household. Her interest has been piqued and we look forward to wintry fun.
I myself have discovered the benefits of sitting in an armchair with ottoman vs lying on couch and, in her beneficent manner, Princess Treasure has willingly adapted to the change. She notes the advantage of being able to walk on the back of the chair, rubbing up against the PMs head and being able to choose from a wider variety of positions when resting.
Until our next meeting, I remain,
PM Neora Warmlapp

Archive 7.4: Intelligence gathered.

Dear Princess Treasure, PM Neora and members of the Security Council:
Per your request received today via UPS (Upwind Perigrine Sails), I am relaying a progress report on my tour.
At the conclusion of our summit with Sir George and Lady Scamper, they volunteered a tortoise advisor to provide a tour of the land.  This has been most intriguing; due to his age and deep contemplation of the events he has witnessed, he has provided insight into the historical background of many current issues.  It has also been most restful as Monsieur Shelly travels at a leisurely pace.  Since he carries a trailer with him, I have been able to lighten my pack considerably.  Sir G and Lady S provided a letter of introduction, so I have met many individuals from different species in desert areas that have taught me many new ways of coping with heat and drought.  I believe that if the information gathered is shared with the populace of Capitol Drive, the citizenry will make good use of it.
Monsieur Shelly congratulated HRH’s generosity while celebrating the summit on July 24th.  News of the  mousepops, and effective distribution of same, quickly travelled to Utah.  He believes this is unequalled in the Utah and other nearby territories and that HRH will set a new standard of royal beneficence.
I was deeply saddened to learn of Regina’s abduction.  I had hoped she had eloped with Agent Blackjack and would therefore produce a healthy heir.  However, all news received by Bunny Buddy and his corp of hired mercenaries indicate that the Evil Dogs next door convinced their human companion that she was deliberately taunting them when she was on patrol.  This is a sad loss as she was close to the Princess’ heart.
I look forward to sharing notes with Gen’l Boopsie Bear when he returns from the victory celebrations in Queen Miss Katt’s realm.
I remain, as always, your faithful servant,
Ambassador and Scout Ringo

Archive 14: Notes on the Precious Dynasty

HRH is a member of the Precious Dynasty, renowned since the time of the Pyramids for their wise and just ways in ruling those under their dominion.
The first member of the dynasty, King Green Gem, was named so due to the brilliant color of His eyes, resembling a peridot.  He rose to the throne by leading the cats in His block to defend their territory against invaders from Siam.  Due to His military canny and ability to lead, the defense was successful and the Siamese retreated to their traditional land.  King Green Gem was companioned by his Prime Minister and valet, Tutenros.
Tutenros would continue in this role through the next five ascensions to the throne.  During this time, the territory was increased and the species citizens continued to swear loyalty oaths to the throne.  Inter-species relations were fostered with the Horse citzenry and the Crane denizens.
It was during the Dog revolt during the third ascension (Queen Precious Blue) that the eternal dispute between the dog and cat species began.  The revolt was headed by Mr. Toto, an ambassador trusted by Queen as a royal liason.  While the Precious Dynasty prevailed, diplomatic relations were severed and have not been re-established to the present day.

Archive 7.3: Via Antelope Express

A scrawled report from Scout Ringo:
To:  princez Tresur
yer hiness,
it is wit gret reliefe I send you this message. 
My understanding is the carrier buddi bunny sent you a report sez I was runing edge of happylandz.  This is true.  When I getz to de end, there is huge grassy place, called a prairie.  Dere is a path of daizees and it seemd good idea to follow it.   After middle day, I feelz shadow on me and look up.  It was a hawk, a gigantious hawk .  I admitz I scared.  Widout a den or hidey-hole I freeze.  I stay freezed till sunset last night. 
Finly I move.  i start on daizee path agin.  I see chipmunk who excape hawk.  It says I lucky ‘cuz usually hawk don’t miss big target like me.  Chipmunk gives me water and nutz and directions for shortcut to happenstanc. 
I just arrived happenstance; I admit I lost a ring on my tail from scare.  First thing I do is write you.  Den I talk to Teddi.  he seems nice chap.   He tell me I not too far from Utah.  So hopefully mission not delayed.  Still hope to arrive on 23 and have sumit on 24th. 
Is too bad I loze fancy meeting suit on way. 
Your loyal scout,

Archive 7.2: Updates

The Boopsie Patrol:
It appears, from correspondence received from PM Carol Cattservant, that Gen. Boopsie Bear is leading the guerilla warriors to brilliantly assist Queen Miss Catt’s forces to a victory against the ALF.  It is hoped that this victory will demonstrate to the AU the need for negotiations and mutual respect.  After a tickerberry parade, General Boopsie Bear will be awarded his fifth walnut, the highest rank in the Capitol Drive Realm.  Princess Treasure is indeed gratified.
She also awards Agent BlackJack the Silver Lion’s Paw for his sage advice and consultations of a fortnight ago.  This is the highest award in the Realm of Capitol Drive to be given to a cat not of the realm.  The award is accompanied by 25 filleted minnows, prepared lovingly by citizen Regina (wethinks perhaps Regina is taken with Agent Blackjack). Private First Cat Bougaloo has volunteered to deliver the award, perhaps with the intent of settling who wil be Regina’s partner.
Diplomat Scout Ringo:
Buddy Bunny, freelance scout and messenger currently on the payroll of the Capitol Drive Diplomatic Corp,  reports that Scout Ringo was given a ride across a great water by a blue heron.  After consulting with a member of the FumbleThumb clan of raccoons, who graciously shared his overnight accomodations in a tree trunk, Scout Ringo washed some berries for his rations. At last report, Ringo has run the fence along the perimeter of Happylands and is due to arrive in the Land of Happenstance in approximately 18 hours, if there are no setbacks.

Archive 2.5: Update to the Security Council by PM Neora

Fellow Council Members:
You may remember Princess Treasure’s recent authorization granted to her worthy diplomat and Scout, Ringo.  She wishes him to go to Utah and treaty with Sir George and Lady Scamper.
I have been working with HRH and Ringo to prepare for the trip.  The treaty must be written up for him to take.  We need to locate the royal ambassadorial uniform and find luggage for Ringo.  The journey must be plotted and he must learn  the route.
Most of all, he needs to learn survival skills.  We were on a training expedition and he was unaware of the danger awaiting him: rivers to ford, transportation to catch, predators to deter. 
As we know,  impetuousness and the willingness to form relations with other sovereigns are among HRH Princess Treasure’s charm.  But they may cost us one of her more loyal and productive citizens.
As always, we took the Veil of Secrecy upon arrival and discussion of meeting b usiness may be met with the most severe of penalties.
Prime Minister Neora

Friday, April 8, 2011

Archive 13: The Hinterlands, part 3

Those calls scared me; for some reason the fur on on the back of my neck stood up.  Maybe it would have been different in the Kingdom here, where I know the places and people (being a scout).  But all alone in a new place at night is different.
I remember Marge and Teddy warning me about wolves and how they like to eat raccoons.  They had tried to make wolf howls for me and this sounded alot like them.  They had also given me stuff to make me smell different and make it easier to hide. I got some out of my pack and used it.    The rock I was on had a flat side and a slanted-up side. I slowly crawled up the slanted side and looked over the edge.  A long way away, I could see animals alot like the despised dogs howling and snuffling around.  They looked confused.  I hoped it was because the stuff was working and they didn’t know where I was.  I slid back down and thought about what to do.  It did not look as if they were in a hurry to leave. 
Then I remember something Agent Blackjack said.  He commented that dogs are scared of fire and will run from it.  I hadn’t had a chance to try it with a dog in the Kingdom, but thought it was worth a try.  I made a small fire on the flat side of the walk and gradually added some bigger sticks.    When it was going well, I took one of the sticks, crawled up the slanty side again and threw it as far as I could.  It worked!  The wolves ran away.
And that’s how I didn’t get eaten by wolves.

Archive 12: The Hinterlands, part 2

After my rest and rconnasance with Marge and Teddy in Happenstance, I set out one night, just as they said I should.  They said if I travelled by night, I would not get as thirsty and my water would last longer.  Also, any gigantuous hawks in the desert only hunt by day.  Sand is hard to walk in, harder than snow because it weighs more.  I wished someone had invented sandshoes!
After walking a couple of hours, I found a rock to climb on to take a break.  I could see a very long way and things looked pretty quiet.  There were stars and a bright moon overhead.  There were no birds of any kind.  Every once in while, I heard something clittering through the sand and knew a dreaded scorpion with its shell had passed by.  Shhhh sounds were snakes.    I wondered where other furry creatures were, thinking it would be nice to see something that looked familiar.  About that time I heard a sound from far away:  ooooooooooowwwllllllllll, oooooooooooowwwwwwwwwlllllllll. 
To be continued…

Archive 11: The Hinterlands, a story by Ringo, Part 1

Between and ‘twixt Utah and Happenstance is a place called The Hinterlands.  If you thought I said ‘winterland’, you’re close, because the only difference between the winterlands and the hinterlands is the temperature.  Both places are bare, with no leafy trees or green grasses.  The creatures we know, squirrels and birds, cats and dogs, are not found above ground or outdoors in these places.  Food is hard to find.
But what makes The Hinterlands worse is that it is very hot.  And the hot never stops.  With the winterland, you can melt snow for water and you know things will warm up.  In the hinterlands, it’s always hot and there is stuff called ‘sand’ instead of water.  You can’t drink sand.
In the hinterlands, all you see is dust, as far as you can see.  B’cause there are no trees, it’s hard to find shade during the daytime.  Rocks have shadows and so do the prickly-barked people shaped plants called cactuses. They have big thorns longer than Princess Treasure’s tail and a tough green skin like a dinosaur.  It is hard to climb them, so it is hard to get away from the native population, which includes snakes, scorpions and spiders.  All of these can kill you with one bite!  Chomp!  Like that!  If you gets bit, you puff up and turn black!  then you don’t talk no more.
Agent Blackjack and General Boopsie Bear had heard of the hinterlands, but they thoughts it was a legend.  Buddy Bunny and Teddy and Marge warned me that they were real.  Buddy Bunny offered to take me, but he wanted all the marsh hay I had for Princess Scamper and Sir George.  Teddy offered to escort me, but Marge needed him, so I said it was OK, I could go alone.  They gave me a map and lots of advice and equipments for hot weather.
To be continued….

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Archive 8.5: Been a while; excerpt from the Princess' diary

The Prime Minister continues to work on my new castle in order to make it as comfortable and functional as possible.  She believes she is just about done with the living room (where my throne is kept) and can soon move to the bedroom.  One advantage of the throne room is that I can closely monitor the flock of birds that frequent several bushes outside my window. Also, the PM continues to keep my throne close to her chair so I can summon her at a moment’s notice.
The bedroom remains a mess; she has clothes all over the place.  It was also like this at the last place, but since this castle is substantially smaller than the last, it is more important that she keep it orderly.  She states a friend at work has offered to help her for a couple of hours one Sunday when the PM is ready.  The friend apparently has more skills in organization that the PM.
Scout Ringo was assisted in finding the new castle by Knight Errant Sir Honder.  Ringo had passed through the Queen Bea’s monarchy between the Realm of Capitol Drive and Happylands.  He had already assured himself this could be an appropriate neighborhood in which to establish My court and Sir Honder assisted in the final selection of the castle.  Due to his assistance, the move went relatively smoothly and efficiently.
PM Neora finds all this increasing her fibromyalgia symptoms, resulting in a new pattern of sleeping almost all day on Saturdays. 
Neora has finally understood my request for a new diet and has switched from Purina One Indoor formual to IAMS mature dry.  She also switched from Fancy Feast canned to IAMS canned.  I expect for this regime to further enhance my innate beauty. 

Archive 3.5: The Incident involving the Elmo

Dear Princess Treasure, Prime Minister and Members of the Council,
I am here to report the results of my inquiries into the discovery of Elmo last week.  As you may remember, while the PM and I were on our rounds a week ago, we noted a small elmo on the edge of the freeway.  It was hoped this was nothing more than a representation of this most ingenue and innocent of children’s friends. 
Upon contactng my liason at Sesame Street I was able to learn that elmo had been missing for two days prior to my discovery.  He had gone to visit a small friend and admirer, however he had not come home by the time he specified.  The trip log only showed that he was going to visit someone who signed in with a green ‘x’.
Further research demonstrated that his itinerary included the Babblebrook Field.  UPS staff members were hired to locate him but were unsuccessful.
Finally, I reccoinoitered and traced his trail to the Toys r Us emergency ward where he had been rushed by ambulance to have an arm restuffed and an eye replaced.  He will return to Sesame Street for light duty only after recuperation.
I hope all present are satisfied that the above matter may be considered closed.

Archive 0.5: Ringo Raps

I keep on meandering with Neora.  Don’t know why I stick around.
Ran away to join the circus cuz people said I was good at acrobatics back when I was a kit.  My mom taught me how to keep clean and wash things and grass helped with that.  I ended up in a place with no creeks and little grass.  It’s hard to stay clean in a dusty, dirty environment,  so I got used to it.  Forgot how it was when I was little.
I kept looking for the circus and I saw it advertised, but never made it there before they had packed up and moved on.  Tried to keep on exercising, but sometimes I’d be too hungry or tired from trying to find food to do it.  Because people were kicking me all the time, I finally started living on top of the parking meter where Neora found me.
Sometimes I live in her car–which is, admittedly, warmer than the parking meter.  She’s introduced me to some people on her travels and taken me to some silly things like the bears’ tea party.  Sometimes she sticks me in her purse and then I really get to cruise ’round.
I guess taking a swim once in a while is worth putting up with.

Archive 10: The Perilous Problem of the Prime Minister

(From Ringo)
I shoulda known better.  That Prime Minister really needs to be watched.  After all, that’s why the Princess really wanted me to go with her everywhere.  The Scout is only a part time position.  I’m also, unbeknownst to her, the PMs body guard.
And sometimes, she does take guarding. 
Tuesday we went to a yarn shop and the coffee shop, they are next door to each other.  The coffee shop closes at ten and the PM sat there with their permission until 10:30 looking for her keys. She could not find them and finally decided she must have left them in the car starter.  So, she left.  But it wasn’t true, the keys were not there.  And it was not just the car key missing, it was the housekeys as well.  She looked all over.  She couldn’t find them.  She checked the trunk  to see if she dropped them there.  She didn’t.  She looked under the car.  Not there.  She tried to see if her car still had roadside assistance.  It didnt.
So I worked lots of over time taking care of her.  She kept falling asleep and waking up.  She thought a policeman would stop to see why the car was still parked there, but they didn’t.  If they did, she was going to ask them to give us a ride to an all night restaurant.  But they didn’t. 
So we wuz stuck until 6:30 the next morning when the coffee shop opened again.  The keys didn’t get turned in the shop or the  yarn store.  She missed most of work getting keys, etc.  Boy were we tired.
The Princess was not happy.

archive 9: From the Princess' Counsel

Having been summoned by Sir Ambassador Scout Ringo at your urgent behest, we are humbled yet pleased to be of service to Your Majesty.  It is our understanding that you most wisely want to adopt an heir to the Kingdom of Capitol Drive and so offer the following draft of adoption papers for the Most Adorable Princess  Coco:
‘Wherein the Most Adorable Princess Coco has matured into the role of a most regal yet beneficent Governor of her domain, managing said properties well as agent for the Queen Miss Catt and
Wherein HRH the Princess Treasure has undergone The Traumatic Event most dreaded by all of the feline species and is therefore forced to look afield for an heir and
Wherein it is believed than an relationship would foster the alliances between HRH and the Queen, as well as those of the Queen Bea (Emeritus) and
It is thought that the adoption of Princess Coco as successor to HRH the Princess Treasure would be of mutual benefit,
HRH the Princess Treasure sends her highest regards to the Princess Coco, offering her all rights and reponsibilities commiserate with such position.  As proof of her good will and sincerity, the Princess Treasure sends with her most trusted representative, Sir Ambassador Scout Ringo, the opalescent moonstone collar as a token of her regard.’
/ss/Esquire Blinkytoes, Cattorney at Law.

Archive 8: Ringo Reports

Dear Honored Members of the Security Counsel,
Thankfully, the situation in the kingdom is approaching normalcy again in many ways.  As the Prime Minister’s bat mitzvah ceremony has been accomplished, she has resumed her normally active role as administrator and chief attendant to HRH the Princess Treasure.
The Princess has decided to continue her morning rounds of the castleyard; she enjoys inspecting the royal carriages and greeting early risers such as the local squirrel living outside the front window and the bunny across the parking lot.  This, of course, means an added detail of agents in the morning, who have been most sufficiently trained by our consultant, the Agent Blackjack.
On Sunday morning, the Princess was served a large portion of the Herb of Contentment.  After imbibing, she relaxed and had several purr-cuddles on the PM’s lap.  The PM was again able to take the time to assist the Princess in working out any obstructed purrs.
It is to be hoped this felicitous period will continue.
Ambassador Scout Sir Ringo.